Seeking
A mother alone
on Christmas Eve
searches for the promise of Christmas.
Distant chimes beckon her back
to warm wooden pews
smooth with prayer
god’s hallowed voices
welcome her
Restless hope invites
her blue-eyed sparkle
Unsure of why,
there she is
head bowed whispering,
forgive us our trespasses
folded fingers seek
god’s embrace
Sweet forgiveness
pulls her home
a hymn on her lips
cradled in family’s comfort
she wraps herself in the promise of Christmas
A first grade publishing celebration
Alanna,
ReplyDeleteAs I started out reading your poem I felt lonely, sitting on a cold Christmas Eve night before the roaring fire as snow fell out the window. Yet as I moved through the poem I began to warm up inside realizing I wasn't alone anymore.
In your poem you used very descriptive words. Pictures were clearly painted they seemed to hang on my walls. I will list a few of my favorites: beckon her back, warm wooden pews, smooth with prayer (very nice), restless hope, blue-eye sparkle, folded fingers seek, and she wraps herself in the promise of Christmas. Very well done. That is what I try to get my students to do is to make pictures. I always tell them, "Show me, don't tell me." I have them try all types of experiences to get them to use all of their senses.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to add some to the beginning-adding to the loneliness-no roaring fire there-maybe I'll add some images of the family tree, etc-stockings and no one there to see them...
ReplyDeleteI think I kind of want this to be a poem about the search for family and finding it (and god) inside oneself and others.
I think I need,at the end to do something that shows the narrator has figured out that she had the promise inside of her and didn't know it.
Confused?
Any ideas how I could do this?